Gratitude in Grief

Just days after I put up my last post... my dad went to be with Jesus.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants." Psalm 116:15

It impacted me differently than I thought.  It was more difficult than I thought.  It has left me sorting and processing through memories, exhaustion, thoughts, and just the "real" of it I guess.  Thus, my absence from here.  Not that I wanted to be.

I just had nothing.

Nothing, until God used a couple of friends to help re-shape my perspective in the midst of my grief.  And that is what I bring today...

A friend texted me near the beginning of the holidays and reminded me that she was praying for me as memories were sure to surface with the coming holidays.

And they were.

As the memories surfaced, I realized in increasing measure that they were:

* Good memories
* Treasured memories
* Christmas items homemade from my dad held in my hands. Him with me still... in my heart.
* Handmade toys from my dad for the children.  Him with us still... in our home.

As I continued to remember, through the tears:

 Gratitude Surfaced

I have fond memories and trinkets to treasure that remind me of my dad.  Not everyone would have that in the passing of a father.  Yes, most everyone would have a memory of some kind - even if an absent one- but my memories were enviable of so many, even some I know.

Gratitude Swelled

In the midst of my grief, I discovered overwhelming gratitude for what I had been gifted!

How grateful I am to have had him for my father.  How grateful I am to have watched him love my mother and us so well.  How grateful I am to have the memories that make me smile... memories worth remembering.  How grateful I am to have had his example of pursuing God.

I did not do anything to deserve any of this... A godly father.  A loving family. A lifetime of treasured memories.

How grateful I am....

 "Those who say, 'No' to resentment and 'Yes' to gratitude, even in the face of excruciating pain, incomprehensible loss, and ongoing adversity, are the ones who really survive." ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Perhaps this is part of why Paul instructs us to give thanks in everything, and why it is God's will for us who belong to Him?

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:18

Maybe it's because the grief becomes almost a gift of sorts. A heart fully aware of graces bestowed from my Heavenly Father.  And in the end, with eternal hope and confidence... gratitude thrives in the grief.

"Spoken words of praise and thanks have power to dissipate that spirit of heaviness that sometimes weighs us down and clings to us like a wet blanket." ~Nancy Leigh DeMoss

How about you?  What difficult or unexpected situation are you facing that you could flip on it's head? What blessings rise in that situation as you consider it?  How can gratitude thrive in that situation in your own heart? 

Don't let the frustrations, disappointments, discouragement, doubt, or even overwhelming grief steal your joy! Look for His gifts of grace that have gone ahead to meet you in that place... and be thankful!

 Donnetta

My Season of Lilacs

Ah, lilacs.  As I glance through my windows I see that they are almost in full bloom.  Everywhere I go around town I see them... lilacs.  Their scent is even beginning to permeate the air without even necessarily being close to them.

Each year that they come and go, I do a lot of reflecting, remembering, rejoicing, and re-living.

It was this season 10 years ago (but I remember it like yesterday) that I missed the season of my lilacs completely.  It was in that season that our daughter found herself in the hospital facing death for the second time in her life.

We had just moved into our home and I was excited for the first season of my lilacs.  As they started to bloom, we left for what was supposed to be a short trip.  However, our daughter became very ill on that trip and was rushed to the ER as soon as our plane landed.  She was immediately admitted. 

Once she was discharged weeks later... the lilacs were gone.  The season had come and gone, and I had missed it entirely. 

Because of that one season...  Every season now...
* is a reminder to me of God's love
* symbolizes memories of God's mercy
* is a visible witness to me of God's faithfulness, grace and healing power

As I remember that year, I stand amazed at the way God carried us through.

I see His hand so visible in areas that seemed so lonely, frightful and more than I could bear.

If you ask me how I made it through that time, I would have to tell you... it was not by my strength, power or anything of myself. It was by God's very mercy, grace and presence alone that each moment was faced with hope and faith in the sovereignty of my God.

Every year now, their beauty helps to refresh my perspective of what's truly important in life. They serve as an inspiration to count the little things in life as great blessings... to be grateful for the schedules, the tasks needing to be accomplished, the things needing to be done.

These things are stark reminders to me that those demands are needing to be accomplished for one reason... we are living.

Every season, with each glance out of my window...with each fragrant aroma inhaled, I am again brought to a brief quiet moment in my spirit where I realize and remember... I serve a great God whose character and goodness is beyond comprehension.

As we celebrate life being given fresh and anew to us 10 years ago, their season is a heart memory to me of what God walked us through and never left us to face alone.

We are now 3 years past when the doctor said she may need more surgery.  We don't know when... but it will most likely come.

The season of my lilacs serve as a reminder, that regardless of what comes... my God is a grace giving, mercy loving, all sufficient, wisdom containing God who leaves His fingerprints all over every situation that comes my way.

I will forever treasure lilacs and their season in my heart. My "Season of Lilacs" serve as a reminder to me of "A season God alone sustained me."

Our Miracle... Then. Now.

Eighteen years ago today, this:

Psalm 66: 5

"Come and see what our God has done, what awesome miracles he performs for people!" (NLT) 

"Take a good look at God's wonders— they'll take your breath away." (MSG)



Today... this:

What God wonder takes your breath away today?


 

Flood, Flowers, Lesson

The day had been long. The week had been long. No matter. Friday had come and I was headed home.

Home to rest. Home to relax. Home to refresh so as to have the strength to do it again the next week.

My mind wandered into nothingness... Just minutes later I would be home.

I came to the top of the hill and instantly my mind jolted to reality. The audible cry that escaped my lips almost startled myself in the silence of the car.

The FLOOD

It was gone. Completely under water. The town I had just driven through hours before was now buried. Only roofs were seen. On them I noticed people. A helicopter was hovering in the air. The town was buried in the flooding and the road I was to take to reach my home... gone.

There are a few things I distinctly and vividly remember about the flooding that occurred the summer that I was home from college working.

Cresting the top of the hill only to look down and see nothing of the town that had been there just that morning is one of them. It took me an additional two hours to arrive home that night due to having to find roads passable.

One of the other distinct memories I have are what I call... the flood flowers.

The FLOWERS

As we were driving to church one morning, I was looking out of the window. This had become a very common practice as we compared the water level to where it had been as it slowly receded.

On our drive I was straining to find the ditches I knew were there. I wondered if it was just a very small taste of what Noah must have felt. Straining, almost as if it required great effort, just to catch one small glimpse of earth beneath the water.

It was then that I saw them. They were some of the smallest and most beautiful flowers I had seen. Springing up, where plain ol' earthy ditches should have been, through the murky water left from the flooding... tiny flowers reaching towards heaven.

I pointed them out to the rest of my family. We were all amazed and wondered at their appearance. In what seemed so devastating, so ugly, so destructive... was rising something so innocent, so simple, so precious.

Their thin stems standing tall seemed to announce determination. Their perfectly formed petals seemed to shout hope. Their bright colors seemed to proclaim life.

We later learned that they were a flower that grows after and in the midst of large flooding. I wish I could recall what they were called. I can't. But I do remember the lesson they taught me.

The LESSON

I have experienced moments of life that can seem so destructive, discouraging, devastating, and overwhelming. That all beauty has become ugly and repulsive, perhaps even nauseating. I have felt as though all hope is lost. There is nothing to salvage, nothing to rebuild, nothing but ruins.

However, If I look, if I wait, if I am willing to see them... they appear. They are there. As I strain to catch just one glimpse, in time, I am not disappointed. My heart flood flowers appear.

God does a planting in the middle of the chaos. Strength is bolstered. Beauty is remembered. Hope is renewed. There is promise of sunshine after the rain. Life springs forth from apparent death. And He provides the reminder in the midst... just for me.

I find that now I am not so amazed and astonished when I see them in my heart, just more assured and comforted. A knowing smile crosses my face and a peace settles deep in my spirit as I look out the window of my soul, gazing upon my heart flood flowers.

For you see, I've learned... that's just the way my God is.

Where I've Been & A Look Back

WHEW! So how can it be February 2015 already?!  I had intentions of being back to this place sooner, but due to a variety of circumstances, we have been without internet in our home for the last few weeks.  Needless to say that left me in more of a "read only" mode using the limited data available on my phone.

With internet at home back up and running, I couldn't be more delighted as that allows me the opportunity to once again come to this place to be with you!

I stumbled on a list of posts visitor's to my blog have most often read in the last month or so. I thought you might enjoy a look back as well while I regroup with posts to come for the future.

Most visited posts recently:

5th- Precious Promise #8: Isaiah 49:15b-16a

4th-Beer-lahai-roi

3rd- How to Help Others Memorize (without them even knowing it)

2nd- I'm Not Who I Was

And the most visited since it originally posted and still remains at the top of the list is:

Drumroll please..........

1st- Bible in 90 Days: My Personal 10 Tips


 

Word of the Year Goes To...

There are just hours left in this year in my part of the world, the year of 2014.  Not days...

Only hours.  And minutes.  And seconds.

The fire is built, attempting to take the chill out of the air these last cold days have brought.

 I decided to steal a few of these last moments to come sit here in this place with you.

Remembering.
Reflecting.
On where I have been...
And where I am headed...

Each year I ask God to show me a word to focus on for the coming year. Since I have started this practice, I have been amazed at the events that my life encounters directly related to the word of my focus. For example...

Generosity
2009 found this to be my word. I felt a selfishness buried deep in my soul that I knew I needed to work on. I wanted to learn to give more of my time, possessions, money, and my very self.

When I selected this word, I had no idea we would be asked to take in our little guy, let alone adopt him.

What God has taught me about my own selfishness has not been easy but oh so necessary. What God has shown me in the Bible and in the world around me about the blessings of generosity has been so revealing and affirming.


Grace
When I began 2010 with this as my word, I was sure my main focus would be learning to extend grace to others. Little did I know that God had plans to venture to the very depths of my soul, and that in those hidden places I would need to learn and be willing to extend grace... to myself.


Discipline
This was my word selected for the year of 2011. As I began praying about a new word for 2012, this word continued to come to mind. I soon realized I was not being released from this word. It was my word of the year demanding intense focus for two years in a row!


Intentional
This was my word for the year of 2013.  On this side of it, I have no doubt that the focus on this word carried me through many days.  To not just let things happen (or not), but to be intentional and purposeful.
  
And the Word of the Year for 2014 Goes to.....


Faith
My oh my, if I were to have any idea of what this last year had in store for me/us, I may have been a bit more hesitant to have so eagerly stepped over the threshold welcoming it.  This last year required me to dive into a place of faith, trust, and belief in God and who He is in a whole new way.

Through a variety of circumstances that all seemed to happen at once (coincidence?  I think not!), it was very clear to us that God was directing me to step away from my career of 20 years and my more recent title of the last 13... completely.

My/our time, energy, focus, and skill sets were to be used in other ways that would directly pour into others (starting with my children) and extending that out to meeting with other young women and couples, to joining the team at church in a supportive role, to opening my schedule to whatever He may have for it at any given moment in time for people.  Relationships.

As wonderful as this all seemed, it caused me to realize that I would have to develop really living out my faith in a new and real way when we realized that, not only would I need to work through all that came with stepping away from something (at least for a season) I had spent so long building, but to follow these steps of what we clearly believed God was leading us to would decrease our income by more than 60%. (Never mind the fact that our oldest was heading away to his first year of college.)

I can honestly say, though not every moment and decision has been so easy, since having taken the initial step of faith and continuing to walk in ever increasing faith every moment of every day, I am not the least bit sorry nor do I have any regrets!

(More to come in the days ahead of what God has and is teaching and showing as we have taken the steps He has placed before us this last year...)

I will readily admit that just because I focus on a specific word for a year does not mean I have mastered it when the year is up! Far from it.

I could still use work in all of these areas... and every other word I have ever chosen as a focus for a year.

What it does mean is that I have many situations experienced, lessons learned, and Scriptures revealed that have molded that word deep into my memory and my heart. I have a greater sense of the true meaning of that word and how it should apply in my life.

Although I do believe I have been given my focus for 2015, it has not been my practice to share my current word of the year. I leave it between me and God alone. I feel that this allows for a more objective application of it into my life.

Variation

My style is to find Scriptures that apply to my word. I have heard of some people that choose a Scripture to focus on for the year.

Either way, I find it a great exercise in personal character growth. To have something that is a specific area of focus keeps me aware of the situations around me and chiseling away at the debris in my heart that needs a bit of attention.

Have you ever tried a similar thing before? Do you have a similar practice?

If you don't and would like to give it a try I would encourage you to go for it!

Where You'll Find a Piece of My Heart

As was indicated in my last post, I am far from done when it comes to talking about Guatemala.

As I also indicated in my last post, we are sensing a draw to a general area and people.  Although it does not appear for our family at this time that it is Guatemala, I did leave a big piece of my heart there!

I told the family that we built for that very same thing the day we were leaving them.  They were assured, with tears in my eyes, that a piece of my heart was remaining there with them.

Our team had the privilege of building for 2 families.  My part of the team built for a very young couple in the church there.  Miguel was 27 and Maria was 21.  They had a 4 year old boy, little Miguel.

This is what had been their home...  

CORN STALKS!

The corn stalks, their home, had been cleared away because that same site was where we would be building their new home.
 

This is where they were living when we arrived as they were waiting for their new home.

A tarp around a mattress that was barely lifted off the ground with trash, wood, or anything else that they could find.  There was no walking room around that mattress.  The path that you see is all that was in that little room.

This was their home.

I didn't quite understand exactly why the mattress was lifted off of the ground with whatever could be found... until it started to rain.

I was sitting on that little stool (to the right) for a time while it rained.  As it continued to rain, the effort in keeping the mattress lifted became very clear to me.

You can't see it very well in this picture, but the water came pouring in under their mattress.  That single dirt path in their house became mud.  In fact, the water was flowing through so steadily that it was rushing up and over the children's feet who came to stand inside.


And notice their little fire area for cooking and warmth to the right in the picture above.


And so we went to work.  It wasn't work like building a house in America would have been.

There was no equipment, cement trucks, or even bags of cement brought in.  It was all done by hand.  The bricks, bags of rock and dirt, and anything else that was needed were all carried in to the job site.

One of the tasks I was given for quite some time one afternoon was to sift dirt.  I didn't see the purpose immediately, but I went to work without asking any questions.

I had the opportunity to work alongside Maria, the lady of the house.  Our interpreter had to leave earlier in the day so we were left with my limited Spanish.  Even so, she and I had such a lovely time together.

I will forever cherish that afternoon deeply in my heart.  We didn't have many words to communicate, but somehow our hearts communicated something so much greater...

It didn't take long for it to become clear what this sifting was for.  The fine dirt was sifted onto a clean tarp like material while the rocks were put into another pile.  Both would be used for the variety of different cements and mortars that were needed for various places on building the home.

And even that cement and mortar was all mixed by hand right on the job site, using the different materials that had already been sifted... also done right on the job site.

Cinder block was formed and cut with a machete.

We put that house together one brick and one dollop of cement at a time.


The process of putting the roof on came to a screeching halt when Maria began chattering a mile a minute as she went running off into the trees surrounding her home.

Next thing we knew she was dragging an extension cord from who knows where over to her house.  She had the men put it in through the roof so that she could hang this... her light.

She was so proud of that light and wanted to be sure it became a part of her house.

Miguel, bless him, took her light and immediately found a piece of wire to hang her light... even before the final pieces of the roof went up.

When it was all finished, there was still a dirt floor.  Imagine my delight when I learned we would be able to also give them... a cement floor!!

Our family and new friends, standing in their completed house.

On the day we left, we had a prayer of dedication for the home.

We then gave them 2 beds that can fold up during the day.  We also gave them a suitcase of housewarming gifts such as sheets, towels, shoes, toys, plates, cups, and whatever else we could fit into that suitcase. (Which we learned they will probably also use for some daily need.) 

As we left I gave each of these dear new friends a teary hug and said, "Te amo mi hermano/a en Cristo."  (I love you my brother/sister in Christ.")  And they extended the same parting words.

For me, it was not a good-bye.  But rather... an until later.  For I have every confidence that if we don't get to meet again on this earth, we will meet once again in heaven.

And our homes won't be so far away there...

Give of What You Have

When we were preparing to go to Guatemala, I had a plan.  It had been stated that they really like (and need) our clothes, especially our jeans.  I decided that I wanted to leave the clothes I wore behind for the people.

I knew of a local thrift store that had dollar days.  Certain colored tags would be $1.00 on certain days.  I have often found great deals in the past.  When looking at my calendar there was one dollar day that was going to happen before we left.

I went.  My intent was to buy clothes to take with me to then leave.  As I was looking, looking, looking...  would you believe I could not find even one thing that was $1.00 in my size?

How could this be in this huge store?  With this huge inventory?  When I had always found something in the past?

As I continued looking my frustration was also increasing.  I began to notice a prodding in my spirit.  A voice that kept saying over and over...

Give of what you have..... Give of what you have.... Give of what you have...

With having recently returned to work I had an abundance of jeans and t-shirts that I could no longer wear with the frequency of when I was home.  Even so I was tempted to rationalize.

"But God, if I take and leave what I have, that will only leave me with a few pairs at home."  The response?  "And that would still be more than what they have."

I left the story empty handed. 

Even now when thinking back, I am convinced I found nothing that day because I needed to learn an important lesson. 

I need to learn to give of what I have.

Not just material possessions.  I need to give of my time.  Words.  Prayers.  Encouragement.  Life...  It may not seem like much, but it very well could still be more than what someone else may have.

And so my luggage was packed... with items from my own drawers.  Items I already had.

At the end of each day working there, a black bag was filled with what I had been wearing that day.  Not only did I participate, but the plan caught on and both my son and husband participated as well as others from our team.

The mission organization was going to wash those big black bags of clothes and distribute them to the people in the lake area.  Not only were our clothes left.  Some of us even left our shoes and extra suitcases.

I would like to believe that God affirmed our plan, as one of the suitcases we took completely ripped open on the trip.

If we were planning to bring everything back home that we took, this could have been very upsetting.  As it turned out...it was no big deal.  For after we left all that we did, we would have had nothing to put in it when we came home anyway.

And so I challenge you with the same lesson that has resonated in my heart and throughout my days since...

What do you have to give?  In your things, yes.  But what about your time?  Words?  Attitude? Encouragement?  Prayers?  Presence?  Life?...

It may not seem like much, but it just may be exactly what someone else is needing!

My Guatemalan 1/2 Sleeve Tattoo

I went wild in Guatemala!  I ended up with a "1/2 sleeve" tattoo.

While working on our house one day, Olga, the 11 year old niece of the family we were building the house for came and lifted my sleeve.  She showed me the smallest nubbin of an ink pen and then pointed to my arm shyly grinning up at me. 

It didn't take me long to realize that she wanted to draw on my arm.  It didn't take me long to grin back at her and lift my sleeve even higher.

And then she began her work.

She obviously had something in mind.  She was in no rush.  She took her time.  So much time that I continued to translate for the building as best as I could in my very limited Spanish while she continued to work. (our translator had been called away from the building site) 

And she worked...

We were all shocked by the detail of her finished product!  I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this beauty!

~~~~~
The translation of what she wrote on my arm is this:

"Does Donnetta (she wrote and called me "Toneta") love God?"

And in the heart down below she answered by writing, "Yes, Toneta loves God."
~~~~~

Needless to say, I was more than proud to wear that!!!

We were going back to the house the next day.  I guessed that she might want to see it, so I was very careful in the shower that morning to be sure I didn't scrub it off.

Sure enough.  Not long after arriving on the job the next morning, while talking with someone, I felt the sleeve to my t-shirt creeping up.  I looked and there was Olga.

Her face was in a full grin as she reached up and rubbed my arm.  I reached out and put my hand on hers, returning a full faced grin.

One of our team members had brought his photo printer.  I was able to give her a copy of these pictures.

And how to explain the look on her face when she received those escapes my ability to even begin to put words to it...

I will forever treasure this, my Guatemalan 1/2 sleeve...

Witnessing the Feeding of the 5000... er, um... almost 100

During our time in Guatemala, we spent a day working on a big project that the mission organization we were partnering with needed completed.

They had put out a call to the local's of the need as well.  Many came, volunteering of their time (huge for these people to give up a day of work!) .

At last count the mission organization had figured and heard to have about 68 or so showing up.  The local women of the lake district agreed to make lunch and bring it for all of those in attendance.

God was faithful to send workers!  Instead of the original count, close to 100 ended up showing.  Praise God!

But what about the count for the lunch that had been prepared and brought to the site?  There were only plans of 60 or so...

We had already had one earlier break to give the local men each a piece of bread as most of them had been working without breakfast.  When lunch time came, no one even thought twice about letting them get in line to eat first.

For many of them this would be their only meal of the day.  We, as a team, knew dinner would be waiting for us later in the evening.  Most of them had no such thoughts or hopes.

After all of them had been through the line, there was still food to be served.  The rest of us went through.

We all sat and ate together rejoicing in a hard morning's work and a job accomplished.

And then I noticed it.

Men going back for more food!  No one stopping them.

More.  More.  More.

When we had our full, it was noted... not only was there enough food to feed the almost 100 instead of the 68 that had been expected and prepared for... there were leftovers!

Miracles still happen today!

I wonder... how many times do I miss them because I'm too busy in my own frenzied world to stop and notice?...

FFF: Guatemalan Style Part 2

Once again, my week has been completely overtaken by how much I take for granted!

Joining up with Susanne to share my five favorite things of this past week.  With the smells, sounds, and sights of Guatemala still so very real... I bring to you FFF:  Guatemalan Style... the 2nd part.

{If you missed Part 1, it is here.}


1. Safe Food:  The ability to purchase and eat without concern of intestinal parasites due to no refrigeration.

2.  Education:  The ability to read and write.  I had an English/Spanish dictionary with me, but it was often of no help for them to converse with us.  A lot of them can not read or write.


3.  Electricity Free Showers: Not having to remember not to touch the shower head while in the shower due to the electrical wiring running to it.  (and not having the electrical box in the shower with me.)

4. Hot water:  While in Guatemala... I never had a cold shower.  I never had a hot shower.  Just warm enough to tolerate getting in, getting clean, and getting out.


5. A job... with an income of more than $100/month (average income in the lake area) to support and provide for the family.

Oh so blessed! So overwhelmingly blessed. The question now is how to keep sharing the blessings with others?   I am convinced that I have not been blessed purely for the sake of my own comfort and enjoyment!  It is to be shared and given away...

Have you stopped to consider the blessings and favorites of your week?  Do I dare take that one step farther?.... Have you stopped to consider how to share those very things with others?...

I Thought I Understood Commitment to Help Others Until...

There was a huge project needing to be completed for the district church on one of our days in Guatemala. The numbers in the American teams present would not be near enough.  The call went out to the villages/district of the lake area.

Men from all over the area took a day from work to volunteer to come help.  Considering they need every bit of work they can get, this was a big deal.

Even bigger... at least 4 of those men walked 4 hours that morning to meet the farm truck for the ride to the job site. 

That meant after working hard all day and the ride back out, they would have another 4 hours of walking to get to their homes!  And most likely on just one meal that day.

And to top it all off... those 4 hours walking to catch the truck that morning... were through the mountains in the rain!

All for the sake of helping others with a need. 

And now I can't seem to shake the gnawing question from my own mind...

What is the level of my commitment to notice and respond to needs around me?  I mean, what is it... really?...

Oh yes, indeed, I am challenged.

I'm Not Who I Was

It was only 15 days ago that we received the news. At times it seems like only yesterday, but most of the time it seems like forever ago. So much has transpired since then. So much that has been life changing.

The phone call took my breath away leaving me kneeling on the floor at the church in uncontrollable sobs, surrounded by friends. My 18 year old 'brother' had lost his life in an accident.

I reminded myself through the tears, that even in this God had a plan to use this for the good of His glory. I just couldn't see how...

...And since, already, I have seen glimpses of God in the midst of it.

We were already schedule to leave just 5 days later for a 9 day trip to Guatemala. My dad was scheduled to go with us. Due to the timing of everything, his keeping the commitment to the trip would mean missing the funeral.

After much prayer and with the blessing of the family, he chose to proceed with the trip.

And not only make the trip, but the decision was made that my brother's personal items (clothes, "toys", etc.) would be brought on the trip to distribute to those in extreme poverty in the lake area of Guatemala.

We just returned home late Sat. night from our trip to Guatemala. I am so excited to share with you about our time there over the next days and weeks.

Sharing.  Loving.  Ministering.  Grieving.  Healing.  And being loved on by them... 

And most of all...seeing God present in humbling, amazing, and awesome ways.



The events of the last 2 weeks have changed me. Are changing me.  God is at work.

Praying.  Searching.  Seeking.   Examining.  Considering.  Pondering.

I don't exactly know the full extent of what all of this means yet, but this I do know...

I'm not who I was.

When Someone Takes What's Yours... or Is It?

The morning we were preparing to leave for The Justice Conference, I read what my friend Robin had recently posted.  She shared about her coat being stolen and what her heart was learning in that process.

A few of her thoughts in particular penetrated to the very depths of my thinking.  So much so that I brought her post back up when my husband and I arrived at the hotel that night to share these exact words with him.   

(referring to the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5)

"Poor? Mourning? Persecution? Being insulted? Lied about? None of this should be unexpected in Kingdom work. In fact, if we’re not putting ourselves in positions of some sort of danger to our possessions, jobs, time management, pride, etc., perhaps we should question whether we’re really doing Kingdom work to begin with. After all, if we’re not stretched beyond ourselves, do we really need God?" --Robin Jewett

Little did I know how God was going to use her story in my own life during the next 24 hours.

We had brought a large golf umbrella with us on this trip as we would be walking from our hotel in the heart of downtown Portland to the conference center.  We knew about the weather Portland, Oregon tends to offer their inhabitants - residents and guests alike.

When arriving, we unloaded the car and I stood with our belongings while my husband went and parked our car.  We carried everything up to our room and settled in for the night.  We did not realize until the next morning, when it was raining, that we had left the umbrella down in the lobby neatly tucked into the corner when we carried everything else up to our room.

We went down with hopes of it perhaps still being there.  But... it was gone.  We checked at the front desk.  Nope.  Gone.

I have to admit that I was beginning to lean towards being a little upset.  It was sprinkling raining pouring as true Portland style can do.  We had no umbrella and needed to walk a couple of blocks to the convention center.

What would my response be?

Almost in that same moment Robin's story of her coat came to mind.  My husband and I began to consider the situation.

Obviously someone else must have needed it more.  Here we were at an event all about pouring oneself out and giving to others while being tempted to be upset because someone took... our umbrella.

Our perspective and attitude changed.  We walked briskly through the pouring rain to and from events.  Yes, we were cold and wet, but we did dry every time.

After numerous walks in the rain, and well into the next day would you believe it?...

WE SAW OUR UMBRELLA!  We know for a fact it was ours because ours had distinct staining on it and this one matched perfectly!

We looked at each other in disbelief.  And then we looked at who was carrying it.  A very elderly gentlemen walking ever so slowly... in the pouring rain... covered by OUR UMBRELLA.

We kept walking and once again looked at each other again.  Not so much in disbelief but instead with grins covering our faces.  We had already found peace in the situation the day before in settling in our own hearts that perhaps someone needed it worse than us.

And it appears that was indeed the case.

And so, we returned home without our very large umbrella.  But even more importantly, we returned home with a profound lesson applied to our hearts.

It wasn't really ours to keep or to give, but rather God's to do with as He saw fit.  Yes, even something as basic as an umbrella.

And isn't that really the One it all belongs to anyway... really?

Let Justice Roll

My husband and I recently took a weekend trip to celebrate our anniversary.  However, we did not make it a typical weekend of relaxing as we have in the past.

We both wanted to attend The Justice Conference that was being held in Portland, but knew we couldn't do that trip and an anniversary trip... so we made that conference our trip.

Due to the stirring that had already started in our hearts, we both felt very strongly that this trip was to be part of the journey that we are on.

We had no idea what to expect.  We went eager to discover and experience this part of our adventure...  together.

There were 4500 in attendance and we were some of the older ones there.  The large majority were college students and young adults.  Even a number of the speakers appeared younger than us.  What an encouragement to see so many younger people willing to learn how to completely give of themselves for the sake of another.

Although we didn't agree 100% with everything that was presented, overall it was a very positive experience.  It affirmed where we were already sensing a growing focus.  It challenged.  It encouraged.  It inspired.  It overwhelmed.

Amos 5:24 (NIV) "But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"

Now to sort through the pages and pages of notes that I took.  To work through the weight of my heart at encountering reports of so many different injustices happening, even today.

To take even more time to be still and quiet before God.  To learn what He is calling me to do in light of it all.

And not just for my tomorrows.  But to look for, recognize, and act in the injustices happening in my day... today.

Let Justice Roll.