Eagerly and Expectantly Waiting

Have you ever felt like God was trying to say something to you? Like there was something He wanted to share? A somewhat quiet, persistent, gentle tugging that you couldn’t quite figure out?

That is where I have been. I keep reading His Word, listening for His voice, searching out what it might be...but I don't find answers and the feeling just won’t leave. Almost a restlessness of spirit.

I’m not even sure it is so much something I am supposed to know or hear right now. Part of me wonders if there is something coming that He is preparing me for. Something that He needs me already looking to Him for. Waiting on Him with every breath, looking and listening for what it He is wanting to share.

Maybe no one else has ever sensed that prodding in your spirit? Maybe you think I’m crazy to be feeling this, let alone sharing this? Maybe it is nothing more than God just wanting to make sure my heart is willing and ready for whatever it may be, wanting my heart to be so in tune to Him that I acknowledge even the smallest things?

And then again, maybe it’s that long awaited direction and answer to an item or items of prayer?

I have been searching in an attempt to learn what it was I was supposed to be hearing, doing, or saying. Today, I realized that maybe I am to just sit back and wait… to wait in expectation.

Expectation of what God is going to work out on my behalf. Expectation of where He needs my heart to be and what He is leading to next. Expectation of what this time in life holds. And so I will.

I will continue to begin each morning meeting with Him. I will keep my ears turned toward His voice, ready to hear His whisper and respond in a moment’s notice.

I will wait… eagerly and expectantly.

Psalm 5:3b (NIV): "In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

Leviticus: Loud and Clear

Last week, our second week of reading through the Bible in 90 days, we encountered Leviticus.

When we had our small group DVD session, we were warned. Leviticus is often a difficult book to get through. Don't analyze it too much. Don't stop to study it. Just read it. Word for word, but get through it. Do not get discouraged. Do not quit.

It was outlined to read through it in three days. I read through it in two. I'll be honest. Part of that drive was to get to the other side.

However, I wanted more than that. I wanted to gain new understanding, fresh perspective and a take away from this book, the book of Leviticus.

John Walton, the speaker in the DVD session, encouraged us to remember that "every law written reveals something about the lawgiver."

I began Leviticus with a mission. I wanted to discover something about the Lawgiver. I wanted God to be revealed.

Leviticus now has so much more meaning to me than just the book of laws and sacrifices. I will forever view Leviticus in a more personal way because of two truths that came through loud and clear as I read through this book.

These two truths revealed about the Lawgiver were not new to me. However, God said them so many times that I couldn't help but notice and have them drilled deep into my head and heart.

1. I am the Lord your God...
2. I am Holy...

"The word 'holy' appears more times in Leviticus than in any other book of the Bible. And in just nine chapters of the book, God states, 'I am the Lord' 47 times (NIV Study Bible, study note for Lev. 18:2)"

As I was reading through the details of this book, I was struck and saddened with the realization of how so very often I take God for granted. My human mind can only grasp a small glimpse of His Holiness... and I am humbled.

I've been listening to the following song repeatedly since. It will probably now affectionately be referred to by me as "my Leviticus song".

God Forbid
By Point of Grace
(Click on title to listen)

The House is Still Standing... So Far

The little guy has learned to open drawers. It took him no time at all to do this with a box of 200 sandwich bags that had recently been opened.



Yes, I know for a fact it was him. He was caught in the act
.


It took him just as little time to do this to his room (while he was to be napping).



In fact, in the last 2 weeks our little guy has learned...

* to consistently get out of his crib
* to open doors even with the child locks on the doorknobs
* to open the child lock we had put on the fridge door
* to crawl on anything and everything
* to climb even higher by opening doors on dressers, etc. and using them as stairs
* to turn down the volume on his radio
* to open the lid on the fish tank
* to remove the heater from the fish tank
* to push the water button on the fridge that then sprayers water everywhere
* to turn on the television in the basement

No wonder I feel like I'm not getting much of anything done.

At least the house is still standing...so far!

What have you been getting done these last couple of weeks? Or maybe I should ask, what has kept you from getting accomplished what you had planned?

That Seems Right

It's been an incredibly long week. Dishes are piled high in the sink. Laundry is a mountain in my basement. Dust is a solid layer on the furniture. Mail is the new tablecloth that covers my dining room table. Shoes adorn the entry way. Toddler toys accessorize every room. At places it feels like I live in a dirt hut with the sweeping that needs to be done. My house needs attention!

Today I decided that these things would wait. Yes, my house desperately needs attention. But my family needed it more.

I went to Linner with the family. (you know... similar to brunch but instead of a mix of breakfast and lunch, it is rather a mix between lunch and dinner). I played a few games outside with the family when we returned home... croquet, badminton, horseshoes. I gave the little guy his bath. I snuggled with my family to watch a movie. I tucked my children in bed. I spent some time doing my 90 day reading.

Everything inside my house remains as it was this morning. Nothing has changed.

I neglected my house.

I focused on my family.

If someone stops by soon, they'll wonder what in the world I've been doing. I have nothing to show for it.

Nothing, except memories tucked deep inside my heart.

Somehow... that seems right.

God, Parking and a Bit of Travel

Although I haven't taken the opportunity to post a favorite five for the last few Fridays, I am reminded of what it does in my spirit of thankfulness to find those thing each week.

Thank you to Susanne for continuing to keep us challenged and encouraged in this.

There are times in life where it is not difficult to experience God in the everyday. Where His presence is felt in each moment in my heart.

To be honest, that has not been the case recently. I have heard it expressed by others that they seem to be in a similar place as well.

I am being reminded that feelings can not be trusted. I am in a season where I must rely on what I know to be true, NOT what I feel to be true.

However, I am also being reminded that as I ask God to reveal Himself, and as I consciously look for Him, He does just that. Some may call moments such as these coincidence, I call them God choosing to remind a lonely, tired, trembling heart that He has not left me to journey alone.

I made a day trip this last week that was required for my job. As I was beginning what was to be a very full and busy day, I made one simple request as I drove to the airport. I asked for God to reveal Himself to me in some way. To give my heart a reminder that He is still ever mindful of this place that I find myself in.

As I began looking and being willing to see even the smallest of things, I saw five ways in which He answered my prayer.

1. Parking at the Terminal: I had to catch a flight at noon and knew my scheduled return wasn't until midnight that night. For safety reasons, I wanted to find a parking spot as close to the airport as possible. However, with our airport servicing many daily commuter flier's, I knew the chances were very slim as they would have all arrived and parked much sooner in the day.

God knew... On my first trip through the parking garage, there was a spot as close as I could possibly get to the airport. I had to walk a bit once in the airport, but figured that was much safer than having to walk a bit outside. I had parking right next to the airport!

2. Parking at the Event: I had hoped to find another person going to the conference that I was attending, as upon registration I had been told parking was very limited and carpooling was encouraged. I found no one to carpool with, which meant I needed to rent a car and hope for a space to park.

God knew... Not only did I find a space to park, but once again a spot as close to the building as possible!

3. Vending Machines: There was nothing to eat quickly at the airport and time was of the essence so I could be as early as possible to find a parking spot. (see #2) I figured I'd pull off of the interstate quick on my way and grab something. There were no signs for anything. Once I arrived at my destination, I had not eaten anything except my yogurt that morning and it was already 2 in the afternoon. I was hungry and needed something... anything. A headache was quickly coming on.

God knew... After doing a bit of walking around, I found a vending machine. Not what I had in mind but it was something. It even had peanuts which I knew would be a source of protein and help hold me over until food would be provided at the conference later that evening.

4. Earlier flight: I arrived at the airport exhausted and just ready to be home. My original flight was not to leave until 11 PM. I checked in 45 minutes before a 9 PM flight. They told me the plane was currently boarding but if I hurried I might catch it. I rushed through security and ran through the airport. One destination in mind, Gate D6.

God knew... I made it to the gate just as the plane had finished loading and they were boarding standby's. I was on the earlier flight. I made it home and was crawling into bed at the same time my original plane was loading and preparing to take off. It was still late... but not as late as planned. Two hours of rest gained in my favor.

5. Space and Quiet: Life has been quite busy and noisy in my spirit recently. Personal exhaustion and overwhelming-ness have lingered since the recent illnesses in our home.

God knew... Both the flight to my destination and the return flight, I was able to have a row all to myself. I had the time to spend in quiet. Reflecting. Praying. Listening. Time just being...
~~~~~

How often I must miss God revealing Himself in the midst of my days. I so often look for the loud, the grand, the majestic, the profound. And yet, I wonder if God isn't more often found in the simple, the basic, the quiet, the daily-ness of it all... a gentle whisper.

I Kings 19:11b-12 (NLT) "The Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper."

I head into my weekend, not necessarily feeling anything different, but more mindful and aware of the small things. The things, that if I would just consciously notice, would reveal a God who remains involved in even the littlest details of my day. A God who chooses to whisper His love, mercy, and grace. If I would only quiet myself and pause long enough to recognize it...

Reminded of The Most Difficult Prayer

Four years ago when my daughter was recovering from emergency surgery and fighting for her life for the second time, I wrote the following below.

Although this week does not find us facing anything near to what that situation was, it does find us facing a new experience that once again requires me to relinquish my control in exchange for God's plans for her.

I am being reminded of His promises. I am being reminded to pray, what I consider to be, the most difficult prayer...

~~~~~~
Ever since we learned we were expecting our first child, our son, we realized our children would not really be our own. They were God’s gift on loan to us. They were really His children and it was our job to bring them up in the love and knowledge of Him, to serve Him alone.

We have made it a practice to pray with open hands regarding their lives. The majority of the time this is not difficult, to relinquish them to Him. It seems very easy, very natural, very right.

However, there have been two separate times when this prayer became the most difficult prayer for me over any other. The prayer of submitting my child's life and care into the hands of God.

Because I didn’t trust Him? NO. Because I was afraid He would make the wrong decision? NO. Because I was leery He might make a mistake? NO.

Because I am human? YES. Because I have a selfish nature? YES. Because I am a mother? YES. Because their very life was hanging in the balance and it was completely out of my control? YES.

Perhaps part of the reason this is so difficult is because I know it is not always God’s plan to heal, to restore health and life, to touch us physically. I have had friends lose their babies and their children. In fact, it has touched my very own family.

My parents taught me the practice of submitting and relinquishing my children to God. You see, they did the same thing with each one of us, starting with my older brother. God chose to call him home 4 days after he was born. And yet, they chose to continue to open their hands and hearts in submission to the will of God with the rest of us. (There are 5 more children!)

So, as I pray this prayer for my children each day, I know in my head that it is very possible God will not heal, will not restore, will not touch physically. But I also know in my heart that God is God and I am not. I know His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8 )

We prayed this prayer. We opened our hands. We opened our hearts. We submitted and relinquished our ability as parents. We gave our child back to God to do as He saw fit. My heart trembled. My mind raced.

I heard a question over and over in my spirit, “Am I God? Will I still be God, regardless of the outcome?”

Although my mind desperately pleaded and begged God for what my humanness desired, my heart had to truthfully say, “Yes. You will still be the one to make the sun rise and set each day. You will still be the one to bring spring after winter. You will continue to calm the storms, to touch my heart and spirit with your love and peace. You will still be God.”

For you see, I know there are many who do not get the miraculous outcomes. I know that for whatever reason God’s plans do not always match ours. I know that at times our hearts break, our spirits cry out in despair, our minds ask why. I don’t know why some get to experience the miracles and others do not. It does not seem to make sense. It does not seem fair.

But, I also know that God is Faithful to all His promises.(Psalm 145:13) I know that He has plans for us, to prosper us and not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He loves us (John 3:16) and rejoices over us in song. (Zephaniah 3: 17) I know He works all things together for our good.(Romans 8:28) I know that He does not give stones for bread or snakes for fish, but rather gives good gifts to His children.(Matthew 7: 9-11)

I guess that is what faith is. Trusting and being certain of what we can not see. Believing when it doesn’t make sense. Being confident when it seems utter chaos. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have become convinced that this is probably the most difficult prayer my lips have ever uttered or will probably ever utter. The surrender of my children to Him.

But, I also believe that it is probably one of the most important prayers I will ever utter for them. For what better place will they be protected, sheltered, shielded, and in God’s perfect plan other than the very palms of HIS HANDS! (Isaiah 49:16)

Faith Is...

"Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief. Faith is believing in an unshakable God when everything in me trembles and quakes." -- Beth Moore

Truth about Tears

Tears seem to have been a big part of my week this week. Both mine... and those of friends.

I've discovered a bit of truth about tears...

A good cry can be therapeutic for the human soul. What a release it can be to bring our tears before God. He does care. He does see.

He even keeps track of our brokenness, our discouragement's, our disappointment's, and our sorrows. He collects our tears in a bottle and records them in His book.

Psalm 56:8 (NLT) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

We are assured that it is a blessing when our tears flow freely. We are guaranteed there is benefit in that. We are also promised that after we allow our tears to flow freely, joy comes in morning. Not might come, probably will come, sometimes comes... NO, but indeed it will come.

Luke 6: 21b (MSG) "You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning."

And we are promised that songs of joy will come after our tears as well. Songs of joy are the harvest of our tears. Another promise that we are guaranteed!

Psalm 126:5 (NIV) "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

Lest you think tears are not Biblical, not of God, disgust Him, mean you're not trusting Him, show lack of faith in Him... do a word search on tears and weeping in a commentary or any version of the Bible. I was shocked at how many times it is mentioned. And if you want a place to start, begin in the Psalms.

David, referred to in the Bible as a man after God's own heart, probably refers to tears and weeping more in his writings than any other one person in scripture. (my personal observation) He writes numerous times of feeling like God had abandoned him, of being in that dark place, of his tears soaking his bed, of asking the "why's" with God.

So, my friend, do not be ashamed of your humanness. Do not be afraid that God will be disgusted with your show of emotion. Do not fear that tears show lack of faith. Quite the contrary. I have found this to be true in my own life.

* Does He always answer my why's? NO.
* Does He always show me the future? NO.
* Does He always change things to the way I hope they will be? NO.

* Does He always come and meet me in my sorrow and disappointment? YES!
* Does He always hold me and let me cry out to Him, even with my questions? YES!
* Does He always assure me He is beside me? YES!
* Does He always remind me that He has not forgotten me, that He loves me beyond comprehension? YES!
* Does He always assure me and remind me of many promises from His Word, that He can be trusted, that He is faithful, that He is sovereign, and that He is God? A resounding YES!

And this promise...

Revelation 7:17 (NLT) "For the Lamb who stands in front of the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to the springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe away all their tears."

Max Lucado writes in "The Applause of Heaven":

"Someday God will wipe away your tears. The same hands that stretched the heavens will touch your cheeks. The same hands that formed the mountains will caress your face. The same hands that curled in agony as the Roman spike cut through will someday cup your face and brush away your tears. Forever. "

God comforts us in our spirit now. He encourages us in our heart.

Someday... the very God of creation, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the very Savior of our souls... will take us into His lap, will look us in the eyes, and will wipe away our tears... with HIS VERY OWN HANDS!!! Every last one of them... FOREVER!

Training in Counterfeit

I have heard it said that those who are trained to recognize counterfeit money have specific training. However, they do not study the variety of counterfeit money created. That would allow for something new to be created that they wouldn't easily recognize.

Instead, they study the real thing... real money.

This enables them to be ready and prepared to recognize the counterfeit, whatever new creation someone has created, more readily.

I believe the same applies to God's Word. If I am only studying the different belief's and religion's or only reading and listening to what others say, a newly thought up idea or creation may slip in undetected.

However, if I study the real thing... the very Word of God... the Bible, then I will be able to recognize more readily anything that does not line up.

"The more we know the Word, the quicker we recognize what is setting itself up against the knowledge of God." --Beth Moore in "Praying God's Word Day by Day"

I'm training to recognize spiritual counterfeit. How about you?

His Presence... My One Request

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Sever any ties but the tie that binds me to your service and to your heart."

-- David Livingstone

Exodus 33:14-15

"The Lord replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to him, 'If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here...'" (NLT)

"God said, 'My presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end.' Moses said, 'If your presence doesn't take the lead here, call this trip off right now...'" (MSG)

Fully Immersed for 90 Days

Do you have a friend, or friends, that don't just ask you how you are? They are interested in so much more than that. They, instead, tend to ask even more often, "How is your heart"?

I am beyond blessed that I do have a few of these people in my life. When I stop to consider the places of my soul at which they choose to venture with me, and don't run when we get to the reality of it...I recognize what a gift God has truly given me!

Not so very long ago one of them offered to venture there with me, yet again. The answer I gave was honest and not one of bliss and excitement.

In fact, this was my response: "I am feeling quite numb to life, even spiritually. I have been consistently having my quiet time but it just seems stagnant for the most part. I will admit that I haven't had the time I would have liked for quiet, and have been reasoning with myself that that has something to do with it. He's doing the silent thing, or I'm just not listening, or maybe even a little of both?"

She offered to share from her own experiences. I accepted. Her response caused me to do quite a bit of thinking. I thought perhaps her own personal experiences would also be of benefit to you. Rather than trying to re-create in my own words her challenging response, I asked her to stop by and share it with you today.

I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Mrs. Pear.

"Okay, what I am going to say pretty much flies in the face of much of the Bible reading/studying stuff we are taught now, and that is a shame.

There are certainly times for methodical study that takes you throughout the Bible as you chase down ideas, for plans and agendas.

This is not one of them.

The only way I have ever broken through this was to sit down with my Bible open, a pad of paper open, a pen uncapped, all just waiting to record what God says. There is something about the earnest expectation of the paper and uncapped pen that works for me. And then I read.

No agenda, no set time, no set amount, unless it is a substantial amount. I ask God to speak clearly to me, to show me something new, to teach me, to encourage me, to meet me. And then I start reading. And I read LARGE volumes. I don't record anything until it is a message from God, and I don't stop until I record something.

At first I will record things that are gentle reminders such as how much God loves us, how much God provides for us, how God will never abandon us. Then, slowly, we move into more specific things.

This is why I chose to do the Bible in 90 Days reading. I desperately needed to hear from God. The more I digest in volume, the more I actually hear from Him.

There is certainly an important place for in-depth study. Don't get me wrong.

But when you are desperate to hear from God you need to do what one of my seminary professors called, "wasting time with God" just like you would a good friend. It is rare that you sit down with a friend with a set agenda, although there are times. But that is often how we approach our time with God.

There is a difference between devotional reading and study reading. Sometimes we forget to do devotional reading, the wasting time with God reading.

As I did more and more reading this way with the 90 Days, I found that I was not only writing down things for me, and things for my husband, I was even calling friends up. It was like God was unleashing a gifting in me.

When I slowed down my reading with the girls being sick and my husband traveling, I could feel the revelation slowing down too.

Now, this is NOT to say that you might have been negligent in spending time with God or anything like that!

It is to encourage you try something new.

So instead of thinking of the Bible as we are mostly encouraged to now - thoroughly digest a small bit - think of it like a dessert buffet table where nothing has calories and you can never be full and every bite tastes better than the last. - I need to get through all that goodness!

I would also encourage you to take a Bible (and not your study one, one you don't mind getting beat up) and put it in your kitchen. Leave it out on your counter, open. And as you are in there a million times a day caring for your family grab the few verses you can. It makes a tremendous difference.

Now, this is what I do. Lots of experts will disagree with me, but the Expert meets me more often than not when I do this. He may have a different plan for you, but usually when we look in the Bible it is the people who have thirsted greatly and have drunk deeply that break through.

And if God continues to remain silent, keep pressing on, preaching the truth to yourself. The dark teatime of the soul is hard, I know, I have been through it, but the rewards are rich.

Mrs. Pear, mother to 2 young children, wife and living an everyday life, just finished her second time through the entire Bible this year. Just this last week she finished her second trip through in 87 days.

Every time I read these words of encouragement and challenge from Mrs. Pear's personal experience, I am once again inspired to think outside of the box in the time I spend with God.

And so, it was with excitement and a bit of nervousness that I began the challenge this past weekend to read through the entire Bible in 90 days.

Not because I think I'm super spiritual. Not because I think this will be easy. Not because I just want to be able to say that I've done it. But because I am desperate for even more of my God.

Not only am I taking the challenge, my husband has agreed to do it with me. To add even another layer of accountability and experience to it all, we are facilitating a weekly small group through the 90 day challenge as well.

I do not know what this experience will entail. I am quite sure it will be one like I've never had before. However, it is with great expectation and eagerness that I approach God's Word, to be fully immersed for the next 90 days.