Mary's Journal Entry 4: After Telling Joseph

Previously in this series:
Mary's Journal Entry: Intro
Mary's Journal Entry 1: The Announcement
Mary's Journal Entry 2: Elizabeth Visit 
Mary's Journal Entry 3:  Return Home from Elizabeth

The following as if journaled from the perspective of Mary, the mother of Jesus...

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I can barely see to write.  My eyes are swollen and red from my tears.  My heart feels as though it is being ripped out.  How can this be?  This was not the way the story is supposed to go!!! 

I told Joseph.  The pain, the shock… his expression is still emblazoned in my mind.  He did not speak for quite some time.  I sat there.  What was I to do?  What was I to say?  I kept asking silently, "Gabriel, where are you?  Please come tell him what you told me.  Please!"….

After what seemed like forever, Joseph spoke the plans of his heart.  His plans reveal his righteous, kind, tender heart. Although his plans also reveal his very human, hurt heart.   

He plans to leave me.  He is breaking off our engagement.  But instead of doing it publicly and disgracing me… he will do it quietly.  Even as he spoke the words, his voice cracked, his chin trembled.  My heart has never hurt so badly as it does tonight!!

My heart screams out… must I give up my sweet Joseph to say "Yes" to this plan of God‘s??   

My mind consoles… sometimes saying "Yes" to God requires us to give up what we hold dearest.  

 I am reminded of the prophet Isaiah’s words where the Lord declares:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways are not your ways.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (55:8-9)

And so tonight, I will glance to the heavens.  I will be reminded that my thoughts and ways are often so very far and distant from God’s plans.  Sometimes, following His plans requires every ounce of energy and faith I have to move forward… and even then I still must rely on My Jehovah… my Provider of strength.

Jehovah, Provider of strength, please also be that to dear sweet Joseph during this troubling time?...