For some time I have asked God to give me more of His heart... His compassion. To teach me to pray. To develop my heart into one of a prayer warrior. To be a gap stander. (Ez. 22:30)
Some time ago, as I was uttering prayers while cleaning the kitchen, I realized... the answers to these personal requests that I have been asking are so much harder than I had imagined.
Don't get me wrong. I am not disappointed that God appears to be answering these personal requests of my heart. I am not sad I have asked for these things. I am beyond honored when someone asks me to pray for them.
I was just caught off guard as to what the answers to my personal requests would look like...
This praying is hard work. And somehow, the words "prayer warrior" sound so much more "glamorous" than what I am finding it is turning out to be. I am learning that "warrior" in that phrase is not to be taken lightly.
In all seriousness, there have been times that my heart has felt as though it was dragging on the ground as I moved forward in each day pleading for others and their burdens that seemed so impossible to carry... and are, without His grace, mercy and strength alone.
My prayer is still that God would continue to teach me to pray. My hearts desire is to be broken with what breaks His. But I now ask for these things with a more realistic outcome in mind.
The idea of glamor has been removed. Instead, I ask these things in full awareness that...
A warrior takes the front lines.
A warrior fights hard.
A warrior gets hot, tired, thirsty.
A warrior does not retreat.
A warrior fights to the end.