There were times that my heart seemed so heavy it felt that I was struggling for my very next breath. I felt like a stranger in my world, in my own skin. I had reached the end of me…
That is exactly where I needed to be.
At the very end of myself... it is there that I found God in a powerfully personal way. When it seemed there was no one, there He was.
In the wait with me. In the wait for me.
I began to do the work of sorting, searching, seeking. It was time to move forward. I began my quest to heal. I determined to do the hard work, whatever that would require, to get back up. I was not going to be taken down. Not this way.
Here I sit reflecting on all I have learned. Here I think back to the fight within myself. Here I sit with a new and fresh awareness of God and His presence.
It required unmasked honesty… with myself. It dictated the refusal to rationalize or explain things that I knew needed to change. It didn’t allow for me to gloss over those areas God was putting his finger on.
It has not been an easy road. It has not been a comfortable road. Honesty with oneself can be brutal, but oh so necessary.
As I look back over the journey this last year has taken me...
I see the harsh reality of it.
I see the beauty of it.
I see the place I was sure would be that of my last breath. Instead... I found I was in the valley where the very breath of God himself rushed through and revived me.
I see the wilderness where I was confident my dry soul would wither and die. Instead... I discovered the stream where God himself had led me to refresh me.
I see the rugged cliff that I so easily almost fell over. Instead... next to it I see the bench where God himself invited me to sit and rest awhile, to regain my footing and renew my thoughts.
I Peter 5:10 (NIV) "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
It has really turned out to be quite a beautiful year. As for the person I am today… I am the same but somehow so strangely changed and different...
Yes, it has been a year of hard heart and soul work. However, it has also been a year of reflection, awareness, growth, restoration, renewal, and surrender.
~"A Beautiful Hurt"~
If you find yourself in a similar place, I want to encourage hope. I want to spur you on to take just one more breath.
Don’t keep throwing yourself into more of something, anything, in an effort to cease the pain.
Take a moment and stop!
Do not fight the journey. Do not be afraid of it.
Take it. Choose it. Accept the difficulty of it. Do not cower from the pain of it. Embrace it. Invite it.
Above all, invite God into the very midst of it and allow Him to walk it with you! He is already there. Welcome the awareness and reality of His presence.
You are not left alone. God is there to reveal Himself. Discover that He is all that you need. He is enough.
No, not just enough...
He is more than enough!
Thank you to those who walked with me through this last year unknowingly supporting, affirming, and encouraging me during a very difficult personal time.
Thanks to you who are new to my journey this last year. Your coming and sticking around helped to encourage me in my pursuit for newness.
I appreciate each one more than you know!
Welcoming the days ahead as I walk with Him on the path that He leads!