I've Been Having a Party and You Weren't Invited

Yep, I am realizing that I've been having a party and you weren't invited.  Actually I am glad I attended this party quite silently without inviting you.  It would not have been a party you would have wanted to attend, I guarantee it!

I do believe I have been having a pity party. 

When talking with a friend last week, she made a statement that has had me thinking (and convicted).  She mentioned that sometimes there comes a time when staying in our places of darkness, depression, ungratefulness, and on and on seems the most comfortable place to be. 

Sick as that sounds, the more I have thought about that, the more I realize that to be true.

Yes, there is a time to recognize loss, to grieve, to mourn the things of life as we have known them.

However, I have also been reminded that once that time has passed, staying in that place becomes comfortable because it causes my focus to turn inward which is where I feed the carnal, self-centered, self-focused place of me. 

To trust, to believe, to focus on others, to look for things to be thankful for in the midst of the difficult takes energy.  It takes sacrifice... of self. 

The final blow came when the following thought and challenge smacked me right between the eyes... 
"Instead of wallowing in what I can't have, I'm making the choice to celebrate what I can have."  ~~Lysa Terkeurst

She is talking about food, but it has been so much more for me.  I have been focusing on the "can't have's" in basically every situation in my life right now instead of the "can have's". 

And the party of that focus has not been a place to invite anyone to.

This realization is not an easy one to own.  It is humbling to admit.

But... in the realizing and admitting... a new energy has surfaced.  A renewed excitement for all that is happening and will be happening is beginning to take place.

Now, if you'll please excuse me.  I've got some party hats and streamers to put away. 

There is celebrating to be done, but it doesn't include a stagnant party of pity and wallowing in what I can't have.  Instead the celebrating is a focus, noticing and counting of all that I can have (and do have)

And in the considering and counting, it is turning out to be quite a celebration!

What about you?  Is there an area (or areas) that you've been considering all that you can't have instead of focusing on all that you can have in that given situation?  Maybe it's time for you to put away a party hat or two with me?... 


  1. I do understand Donnetta. It is so easy to get focused on the things we can't have. As I read, I though of Ann Voskamp's book and the looking for gratitude even in the hard places. Perhaps that's just another way of saying what you've said here.
    Great wisdom here dear friend.

  2. Nobody wants to come to my pity parties either. There are a couple of areas that I have to constantly be on guard for that I don't get the party started. Thank God He sends friends and a book with a great quote or two to remind me and shake me out of it.

  3. I have definitely felt the comfort in my circumstances before. It's a weird place to be- wanting to shake out of it and grow, but feeling like the darkness was a close friend, no matter how dysfunctional. I am praying for you friend!

  4. You should have invited me, I could have brought the favors!


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