I cringe to think that we (myself included) could be losing sight of what friendship really is and what it means to have and be a friend.
"It is so easy to think we are staying in touch with friends this way when, in reality, the touch is often while we are simply brushing by them as we are rushing through our busy lives that are too crowded for meaningful contact." -- Lisa Welchel (caution regarding Facebook and Twitter)
The Book
"Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way" By Lisa Welchel
"...Friendship is a challenge. The vulnerability, trust, balance, grace, and time required to develop and maintain strong friendships do not come easily....
One day Lisa found that 'the desire to experience connection was stronger than the desire to be safe.' She determined right then to finally understand friendship: how to create one, sustain it, and experience the sheer joy of having it. But it wasn't easy.
Lisa writes from her heart and her head, sharing her story and helping women understand how to cope with the strengths and weaknesses of friendship, and basing all her advice on the foundation of our ultimate relationship with the Savior." -- Excerpts from the back cover
I was reminded that needing to need others is part of friendship. She helped clarify some areas that I need to improve on in being a friend. She discusses how to find safe friends, how to set healthy boundaries, and challenges the reader to get real... with themselves and with others.
Not only was this a book to read, it has become much like a handbook for me. It includes "Questions for Reflection" AND "Practical Steps for Developing and Growing Friendships" that accompany each chapter. In addition to those tools, it also includes 6 pages of conversation prompts to help you get to know a friend better.
Here's Lisa sharing about her book:
What to Win:
Five winners will each win ONE hardcover copy of Friendship for Grown-Ups by Lisa Welchel.
How to Win:
Comment and share your thoughts on the following question:
(Be sure to attach an e-mail in some way so that I have a way to contact you.)
What do you find to be the biggest obstacle(s) in developing and deepening a friendship?
Extra Opportunities to Win:
Become a subscriber and/or follow on Facebook. (see right hand sidebar for options ). Be sure to come back and tell me... or let me know that you already do.
Winners Notified:
The winners will be notified on Friday, January 14.
Here's to defining, developing and deepening friendships for all of us!
Hi Donnetta! Think I will jump in and be one of the first to comment. I think the time element is probably one of the biggest obstacles to overcome...but in saying that, it can be handled creatively if you really desire friendships. We have recently moved to a new area and even though I have some long established friendships that I connect to by phone or Internet, I desire new close by friends as well. I have had to step out of my comfort zone and try to arrange times to meet with acquaintances for coffee or a lunch at a convenient location. This works for me but again, it take being willing to give and share some time.
ReplyDeleteI like in the UK so I am probably not eligible to win a copy, but this book is on my wish list, and I think it should be required reading for everyone.
ReplyDeleteApart from time, I think that the modern day focus on life is "what is in it for me" and this is something I truly worry about. The obsession with "I" "me" etc is destroying community and the idea of doing something for someone else just because it is right and good is something I see less and less of each year. Where I live, because I am 56, I have a wonderful circle of friends, and most of us were stay at home Mums. I cannot emphasise more how desperately wrong this aim to get every woman (mother) working as soon as possible after their babies are born is. Without the friendship/support skills found amongst groups of young mothers at the same time of life, the only option left is the "friendships" made at work, and those always seem to have self interest at the heart of them.
Sigh. I could go on forever here, but will stop now.
We moved to this location about 4 and a half years ago. I had some good friends where we moved from but never a real close friend. I'm more quiet and don't always know what to say. I have been invloved with a bible study at church but have had a hard time making friends.Whe we first moved I had to work fulltime so I never had time to have friends.Or just had friends at work. Now that I'm home I don't know how to initiate doing something with someone. Plus we don't have much money to go out.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your blog, my sister Marlene told me about it. My name is Shirl.
Hi Donnetta!
ReplyDeleteWow, I didnt hear about that story, how sad. Facebook really has changed the way we connect with friends, its sad. (and so has texting). I sometimes feel quite disconnected at times from friends, but it mostly has to do with time. I dont plan my time well, and I know that if i did i would find the time. So timing and scheduling are my big issues..along with some others that i need God to help me with.
Im a friend on Fb, but you dont need to count this comment as an entry.
ReplyDeleteI think this biggest obstacle to developing friendships these days is that everyone is so busy.
ReplyDeleteSheri
hspruitt {at} frontiernet [dot] net
Hi - I'm a follower on FB and Google Connect. I have been reading your blog for quite a while on my Google Blog Reader. I really enjoy your posts.
ReplyDeleteSheri
hspruitt [at] frontiernet {dot} net
This looks like such a good book! One of my struggles (other than time, like other have said) is trying to have "too many" friends. Rather than following Christ's example of tiers of friendship, I try to have everyone close, then I overwhelm myself with the inability to keep everyone close and end up hurting others. I'm learning that it's okay to have closer friends and friends that are less close.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the answer to this, but it is sad. Sometimes I think it is because we have become such a transient society as we move and move and move again for jobs and other reasons. Sometimes I think we are just so busy and are taught to stay busy. But sometimes I think it is because we are taught that it is all about us and that makes it hard to care about anyone else.
ReplyDeleteDon't really know though.
But I do know that you are a dear and wonderful friend and that this book looks excellent!
Oh, and I also subscribe...I am sure that is a HUGE surprise! :-)
ReplyDeleteFun! I've been wanting to read this book for a long time!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I feel like the biggest obstacle in deepening my friendships is lack of time. Between caring for three young kids, homeschooling, fixing meals, and managing my home, I struggle to find time to even just make a phone call. And when I do call a friend, I'm usually so distracted that I can barely concentrate on them! I feel like it takes a lot longer to propel a relationship forward than it did in my college days.
Thank you for the great giveaway, Donnetta!
I already follow you on Facebook. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I suffer from a lack of time, like others commenting here. But I also find I hold myself back for fear of rejection. I have put myself out there before to forge a friendship and felt rebuffed or unnoticed. I realize that is my own sin and pride and I'm trying to work through it.
ReplyDeleteOh, I started following you yesterday and I just started following you on Facebook! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, how perfect is this topic for me right now! When you mentioned finding safe friends and healthy boundries I recognized that I have been having a hard time in both of those areas! Today on FB you posted a quote..."Jesus had three really close friends, a dozen close friends, and a larger circle of just friend friends." That really struck a cord in me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing...
♥ D~
Like many who have already posted, time is a big factor. I have three small children, and I feel like some days I am stuck in my car going from one place to the next. By the time I get to sit down and relax, it's quite late at night, and I've never been a big fan of the phone. But also, the reliance on quick e-mails and FB messages. Sometimes what makes a friendship deeper is hand written notes and spending time talking face to face. My goal this year is to Organize my life better so that I have time for face to face conversations with people.
ReplyDeletemeeganjw at gmail dot com
I also just signed up to get your updates via e-mail, and became a public follower of your blog.
ReplyDeletemeeganjw at gmail dot com
This subject something that has been something I have thought about for the last year. The truth for me is trust. Is this person someone you would trust your life with? Can you trust this person to support you in prayer when things are tough? Are you willing to do the same? There came a point last year where due to a breakdown of trust, that I had to severe a friendship. It was painful and still hurts. But trust is one thing that I so easily give away and something that I also cherish at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThis book sounds awesome. What a generous giveaway, Donnetta!
ReplyDeleteMy biggest obstacle to developing friendship? Probably being able to let my guard down and really let me be me with people. I struggle with the people pleaser thing which makes it hard to be really vulnerable. But I'm trying to work on it.
My biggest obstacle in building and maintaining friendships has always been that I was in a leadership position at a churches for years. There's an unspoken barrier when you're in ministry and it prevented me from finding deep vulnerable relationships with other women. I resigned to spend more time with my family a couple of years ago and have been meeting and getting to know some Christian women on a level playing field and it has been very rewarding! I'm still waiting for those really heart-to-heart friendships to develop but I know they will over time.
ReplyDeleteI *liked* you on FB! (I've always *liked* you, though. :)
ReplyDeleteRight now my biggest obstacle is just making the effort to spend time with friends. I can get so caught up and busy with my kids and husband that I forget I really do need face-to-face interation with some of my female friends.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like an awesome book!
Heather
Oh, I already do "like" you on Facebook. :)
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog around Christmas and was very much blessed by the post on Eagerly Expectantly waiting.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being transparent and sharing what God is doing in your life.
I find trust the hardest part of friendship........ I am very slow to open up to people.
I have learned it is worth it to take the step and share openly, but boy, is it hard!
I would love to have a copy. Living the military lifestyle it's so hard to make friends with everyone moving in and out. The unspoken question is often - is it worth the effort?
ReplyDeleteI struggle. I struggle to find time. I struggle to find common ground. I struggle with priorities.
Loved your FB comment too! It hit a chord with me.
Oh - and I follow you on Google reader and FB.
ReplyDelete