Learning to Embrace the Wait

We have a theme park not too far from our house. We went for opening day of the season.

Which meant we had to stand in lines. Waiting. For our turn.  Watching others board and ride the ride that we anticipated taking.

 As we were standing in line, I glanced down at our little guy as he was leaning against the railing saying repeatedly, over and over, almost as if under his breath, "I hate waiting.  I hate waiting.  I hate waiting."

I interrupted his cycling statement with, "Oh, but waiting is a good thing to learn.  So many times in the Bible God tells us to learn to wait.  It is part of how He created life to work."

And as I was encouraging and educating my son, my Heavenly Father began to point out current situations in my life where I have been standing, waiting, leaning against the railing saying repeatedly, over and over, almost as if under my breath, "I hate waiting.  I hate waiting.  I hate waiting."

And so I am challenged.....

As I was trying to instruct my son in the lessons of waiting... I myself was instructed.

Not because I want to, but rather out of obedience...

Learning to embrace the wait.

My Season of Lilacs

Ah, lilacs.  As I glance through my windows I see that they are almost in full bloom.  Everywhere I go around town I see them... lilacs.  Their scent is even beginning to permeate the air without even necessarily being close to them.

Each year that they come and go, I do a lot of reflecting, remembering, rejoicing, and re-living.

It was this season 10 years ago (but I remember it like yesterday) that I missed the season of my lilacs completely.  It was in that season that our daughter found herself in the hospital facing death for the second time in her life.

We had just moved into our home and I was excited for the first season of my lilacs.  As they started to bloom, we left for what was supposed to be a short trip.  However, our daughter became very ill on that trip and was rushed to the ER as soon as our plane landed.  She was immediately admitted. 

Once she was discharged weeks later... the lilacs were gone.  The season had come and gone, and I had missed it entirely. 

Because of that one season...  Every season now...
* is a reminder to me of God's love
* symbolizes memories of God's mercy
* is a visible witness to me of God's faithfulness, grace and healing power

As I remember that year, I stand amazed at the way God carried us through.

I see His hand so visible in areas that seemed so lonely, frightful and more than I could bear.

If you ask me how I made it through that time, I would have to tell you... it was not by my strength, power or anything of myself. It was by God's very mercy, grace and presence alone that each moment was faced with hope and faith in the sovereignty of my God.

Every year now, their beauty helps to refresh my perspective of what's truly important in life. They serve as an inspiration to count the little things in life as great blessings... to be grateful for the schedules, the tasks needing to be accomplished, the things needing to be done.

These things are stark reminders to me that those demands are needing to be accomplished for one reason... we are living.

Every season, with each glance out of my window...with each fragrant aroma inhaled, I am again brought to a brief quiet moment in my spirit where I realize and remember... I serve a great God whose character and goodness is beyond comprehension.

As we celebrate life being given fresh and anew to us 10 years ago, their season is a heart memory to me of what God walked us through and never left us to face alone.

We are now 3 years past when the doctor said she may need more surgery.  We don't know when... but it will most likely come.

The season of my lilacs serve as a reminder, that regardless of what comes... my God is a grace giving, mercy loving, all sufficient, wisdom containing God who leaves His fingerprints all over every situation that comes my way.

I will forever treasure lilacs and their season in my heart. My "Season of Lilacs" serve as a reminder to me of "A season God alone sustained me."

Our Miracle... Then. Now.

Eighteen years ago today, this:

Psalm 66: 5

"Come and see what our God has done, what awesome miracles he performs for people!" (NLT) 

"Take a good look at God's wonders— they'll take your breath away." (MSG)



Today... this:

What God wonder takes your breath away today?


 

Start With What You Know

I have a phrase that is uttered often during the school days here at home with my children. When there is a problem to figure out that, to them, seems much too complicated...I tell them, "Start with what you know."

Once given those instructions they go back to the basics and complete what they do know. It's amazing to watch how just completing a few steps of any given problem with what they know somehow helps the bigger problem at hand to not seem so overwhelming and impossible.

 And then I consider those life circumstances that seem too complicated to figure out.  The ones that seem so overwhelming, impossible, unfair and unexplainable. Those situations that leave one reeling and coming face to face with the sovereignty of God and who He is.

When encountering such a circumstance more recently I heard a gentle whisper flow through my spirit in encouragement and direction, "Start with what you know."

So I did. I went back to all I have learned and know God to be. I used my experiences, knowledge of His Word and understanding to get me started down the path of trusting and believing that He does all things well, that He works all things for good to those that love Him.

I encourage you to give it a try. Next time you are faced with something that seems much too complicated, unexplainable, irrational, or just too much to begin to even know where to start in processing it all.... just start with what you know.

It really is a good place to begin.

A Prayer Perspective

"I don't really care what we talk about.  I don't care when we talk.  I just want to talk...  To think that time was made in a busy schedule to check in with ol' ma'... that alone would be the gift."

~Thoughts I was having with my oldest now away at college.  I just wanted to communicate and have that connection with him.

And as I was thinking through these types of thoughts... a prodding came to my spirit from a still small voice...

"YES!  That's exactly how I feel about you talking to me.  You don't have to come with some laid out plan, or agenda, or list.  In fact, I like it quite nicely when we 'just be' together.  When we talk doesn't matter.  You being conscious to just make the time is enough.  No rules.  No expectations.  No set conversation or formalities.  Let's just talk..."

My boy being so many miles away.  Noticing the time that lapses between our conversations.  The longing in my heart for it to not be so.

It all helps to bring me to a new perspective on talking to Him~ my Father.... this thing called prayer.

 

How to Help Others Memorize (without them even knowing it)

Have you ever wanted to encourage your children to memorize more Scripture?  Or maybe there is someone else that would like to memorize more themselves, but it's just more difficult.

I have recently discovered a way to help others memorize Scripture.  And honestly, we came about it all unknowingly.  It just happened...

I am embarking on a challenge I have never done before.  I am attempting to memorize a huge chunk of Scripture.  Bigger than I've ever attempted before.

I am fully aware that without the help of and supernatural intervening of the Holy Spirit, I will not be able to accomplish this challenge.  And so I have been praying!  And then praying some more.  I also recognize that just praying for His help will not be enough.  It will require determination, hard work, time commitment and perseverance.

Now here's the "surprise", "wow", and "ah ha" moment all wrapped in one.

My daughter has become my biggest companion on this journey.  She is the one that checks me multiple times a day/week.  The beauty in this?... She has mostly memorized the first 8 verses of the selection I am memorizing just by listening to me.

LOVE IT!

In order to help others memorize (without them even knowing it), start working on something yourself.  Something that will allow for repetition, review, and more repetition.  Ask that person to help you in the process.

Each time you say it they will be looking at it, listening to it, and even saying it as they correct whatever mistakes you may have made.  Oh yeah, and in the process... they will be learning and memorizing it for themselves.

I wonder how much my daughter will have learned by the time I get to my goal?  It excites me just to think of it...

What about you?
  
Have you found ways to help others memorize with little to no effort on their part?

What are you memorizing?  It doesn't have to start with something large.  Just start with one verse at a time.   Guess what I'm finding?  Even the big sections happen... one verse at a time!  

And if you aren't memorizing, what's holding you back?... 

What's Been Keeping Me Busy

The silence of recent days may have left you feeling ignored.  That has not been the case.  It's just that the schedule of recent days hasn't left many extra moments for much else.

What's been keeping me busy?

1.  Track season.  Need I say more?  Our oldest is on the team.

The boys team took 1st place at districts last week and head to state this weekend.  The season of nightly practices with an average of 2 meets a week has kept us filling many moments.


2.  In the last month I have been away from home for two different weeks with work... in Alaska.

 Many who know I went have asked what all I was able to see and do.  Honestly, I was so busy for both weeks the answer has been... not much.  But I did get some pic's.

This one was taken... at midnight!

3. And whatever moments may happen to be left, the little guy (who it seems grows more with each passing day) keeps us from getting bored.

So tell me, what's been keeping you busy?

What Kind

After a diagnosis is given, what kind of parent allows their child to go through the necessary testing and procedures to resolve the problem?  What kind of parent would allow their children to endure discomfort, anxiety, and even possible pain in an attempt to heal the underlying condition needing fixing?

What kind?....

A caring, loving, compassionate parent.  A parent who only wants and allows what's best for the child and has their best interest in mind.

Not only accompanying them to such an appointment, but having first called to even schedule such an experience.  A parent whose underlying concern is for the overall well-being of the child.  The end result of restored health being the primary goal and focus.

~~~~~

What kind of a God allows difficulties in our lives?  Do I dare say that I think I am beginning to understand an answer more and more?

If He uses suffering, trials and testing to grow me more like Him, then is it not ultimately for my overall well-being?  If a situation is brought before Him and He gives permission, in His sovereignty and goodness, to allow that to come before me...can I not rest assured that He has a purpose... in even that?

It's not as if something tragic happens, and then He scrambles to make something good of it.  Oh no my friend.

Instead, He sees the potential situation and already knows the growth and change it could generate in me.  He already sees how much it could be my good.  How much it would allow me, through faith in it all, to reveal who He is... all for His glory.

Just as I take my child through what they might define a difficult and potentially painful experience to get to the bottom of a health issue...how much more would I not expect that my God might schedule an appointment of another kind, knowing full well that He will accompany me through it, to get to the other side of a "spiritual heart" issue.

Should I not instead welcome it, having full confidence that He already has a purpose in each moment of it?  If I will just honestly give every piece of it back to Him.

Not for my comfort.  Not for the ease of my life.  But to make me more and more into the imagine of His own Son, Jesus.  All for Him and His glory alone!

Trials, testing, difficulties... gifts of His grace to not leave me as I am, but to restore me to all that He designed me to be.

What kind indeed... 

Christmas Song Mix Up

Our little guy had a few songs to learn for the Christmas program. Two of them were "Happy Birthday" (to Jesus) and "Away in a Manger".

After practicing both of these songs, he suddenly burst out on his own singing...

"Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday dear little baby Jesus asleep on the hay.
Happy Birthday to you."

Although he obviously combined the lyrics of both songs into one, sung with his young innocence and excitement, it was one of the most precious Christmas songs I think I have heard in a long time.

Happy Birthday dear little baby Jesus indeed!

Wishing you and your families a Very Merry Christmas... all because of Him!

Diluting God's Blessing

DIRECTIONS: “Mix contents with 3 cans of cold water.”

I handed her the can of juice and asked her to make it. We found a pitcher to mix it in. We read the directions together. I opened the lid on the concentrate for her. I walked away.

One more thing to cross off of my list. A task delegated and done. Simple.

A few minutes later I returned. The juice was diluted. Terribly diluted. What had happened? How had this occurred?

Upon further investigation I discovered that the directions had been followed. Cans of cold water had been added... 1-2-3.  

Then I learned the rest.

After the 3rd can of water had been poured, the pitcher was not full. To a young girl this did not look right. Surely there must have been some mistake. The pitcher should be full, shouldn’t it?

After adding 3 cans of water as the directions instructed, and as we had discussed together, she proceeded to fill the pitcher the rest of the way.

She didn’t trust the directions on the can. The people who had made the product told very clearly the directions to achieve completion.

Yet it was questioned. It didn’t look right. It was decided it must not be right and actions were taken into her own hands.

I confess. I’ve done that same thing. Not with a can of juice, but with directions of another kind. I have done the same thing with my life. I am given step by step instructions from God.

I follow the instructions exactly as they are given. Nothing is left out or altered. However, after the directions are completed, I step back to survey the situation.

It seems too simple. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t look quite right. Surely there is a different way. There must be more. How could these instructions be what was intended?

I question the Maker with the master plan and the master directions. I take matters into my own hands.

My survey of the situation is not how the plan was intended to be. I am disappointed in the outcome. I am frustrated that it has turned out as it has. It does not provide near the fulfillment that could have been.

I sometimes dilute the blessing and outcome that God had intended. If I would simply just follow the directions…

Season of Lilacs

As I glanced out of my window this morning, I came to the realization that the season of my lilacs are nearing their end.  Due to our weather in recent days, they are about 3 weeks behind in their cycle.

Each year that they come and go, I do a lot of reflecting, remembering, rejoicing, and re-living. 

It was this season five years ago that I missed the season of my lilacs completely.  It was in that season that my daughter found herself in the hospital facing death for the second time in her life.

The season of my lilacs continued on here without me.  When we arrived home, they looked much like they are looking this morning, and it reminds me...


It is a reminder to me of God's love.  They now symbolize memories of God's mercy. They are a visible witness to me of God's faithfulness, grace and healing power.

As I remember that year, I stand amazed at the way God carried me through. I see His hand so visible in areas that seemed so lonely, frightful and more than I could bear.

If you ask me how I made it through that time, I would have to tell you... it was not by my strength, power or anything of myself. It was by God's very mercy, grace and presence alone that each moment was faced with hope and faith in the sovereignty of my God.

Every year now, their beauty helps to refresh my perspective of what's truly important in life. They serve as an inspiration to count the little things in life as great blessings... to be grateful for the schedules, the tasks needing to be accomplished, the things needing to be done.

These things are stark reminders to me that those demands are needing to be accomplished for one reason... we are living.

Every season, with each glance out of my window...with each fragrant aroma inhaled, I am again brought to a brief quiet moment in my spirit where I realize and remember... I serve a great God whose character and goodness is beyond comprehension.

As we celebrate life being given fresh and anew to us five years ago, their season is a heart memory to me of what God walked us through and never left us to face alone.

We are now just two years away from when the doctor said she may need more surgery.  It may come sooner, it may come later... but it will most likely come.

The season of my lilacs serve as a reminder, that regardless of what comes... my God is a grace giving, mercy loving, all sufficient, wisdom containing God who leaves His fingerprints all over every situation that comes my way.

I will forever treasure lilacs and their season in my heart. My "Season of Lilacs" serve as a reminder to me of "A season God alone sustained me."

Home

My children each had a friend spend the night. At about 10:30 pm my daughter's friend became a little teary. She missed her mom. She longed for home.

I had her bring her blanket and come sit with me on the couch. The rest of the house was quiet. She and I talked about a variety of things. For almost an hour we sat, talked, laughed, and kept each other company. She was then ready for bed. I tucked her back in and began to settle down myself.

As I was lying awake for a time (to make sure she was truly settling it) I began to realize that there are times I also long for home. Not my home of this world, but my eternal home.

There are times my routine changes enough to have me a bit concerned. There are moments of the quiet where my mind drifts to home, and I long for it. There are times I dream about the moment I am home.

In those times I find Jesus taking me by His side. During those moments I sit beside Him, snuggle in close and find, regardless of the time, I am kept company by my Lord.

We sit, we talk, we laugh and we even sometimes cry. Regardless of my emotional state, I remember I am not alone in my wait.

It is good for me to be here now! There is a reason I am here. There are moments of fun and pleasure to be had here! For now, this is where I am to be.

But when the "morning" comes, when it is time to go home, these moments of "homesickness" will be gone.... forever! I will be home to stay.

John 14: 1-3 (Amplified)

"DO NOT let your hearts be troubled (distressed, agitated). You believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely on God; believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely also on Me.

In My Father's house there are many dwelling places (homes). If it were not so, I would have told you; for I am going away to prepare a place for you.

And when I go and make ready a place for you, I will come back again and will take you to Myself, that where I am you may be also."

Track's Life Lesson

Although I recently took a break of silence from my blog, the schedule of our days have been far from silent.  During that time track season started.  This meant five practices a week with two meets most weeks.

With the weather we've been having, track meets found us suited up in our WARM gear.  I'm not kidding.  In fact, one meet I even wore my snow pants.  I was tired of being SO cold!  We sat through pouring rain, freezing temps, and yes... even snow!  And the athletes competed through it all...

This week was the qualifying meet to advance to districts.  My son's high jump history basically guaranteed a place in districts if he could just do his normal round of jumps.

Wouldn't you know it.  The qualifying meet found him having his most off day of the season.  UGH.  There would be no advancing to districts in this event. 

And then he was to run 2 events.

At the qualifying meet...

He took 2 seconds off of his personal best in the 400 meters.

He took 12 seconds off of his personal best in the 800 meters.  Yes, you read that right... 12 seconds!

We went into the qualifying meet prepared to go to district with the high jump.  That was not going to happen this year.

We learned yesterday, to every one's delighted amazement, that he is indeed going to districts...with his 800!

And he is runner up for the 400.  If any of the others that qualified aren't able to make it, he is next in line to compete.

Track season is not yet over... 

Of course we are so proud of his hard work and effort.  It has been exciting to watch him improve during this season.  But going to districts is not the most exciting outcome of that day.

What I witnessed in his spirit and the decisions he made on that day has me the most proud. 

Instead of being completely discouraged about his high jump and giving up, he pushed forward continuing to give everything he had to his running... just doing the best that he could.

In the middle of disappointment, I witnessed perseverance, determination, and continued hard work.  Choosing to rise above the situation and put forth his best into what he had left, even if they weren't his strongest events.

The qualifying track meet became more than an event.  It became a life lesson in pushing through.  In doing everything with excellence and giving it your very best no matter what.  In never giving up...

I couldn't be more proud!

I Cor. 9:25-27 (MSG) "Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally.  I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition."

And for the record:  it was finally a warm sunny day for the qualifying meet.  We have mild sunburns but I've not heard one complaint about it.  The sun was shining and we were all happy...

Wings and this Mother's Heart

While we were getting ready for the day, the radio was playing in the background. This is the song that was playing... have you heard it?
~~~~~
Find Your Wings
By Mark Harris

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dream
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
~~~~~

As the song was finishing my daughter came to me. The following is our conversation. Brief but profound...

DD: "Mom, I need you to help me."
Me: "Ok, what do you need help with?" (I'm thinking buttons, hair...)
DD: "I need you to help me find my wings." (Big grin crosses her face).

If she only knew, truly, what she had just asked for... and what that does to a mother's heart. *GULP*

My Children Have Faith in My Abilities... or Not

Setting the scene:  My daughter was watching Little House on the Prairie.  Laura was sitting at a table in the sunshine, working on her book.  Here's our conversation from there...

Me:  "Now that's what I want.  To be outside on a warm, sunny day with quiet to write."

Son:  "You want to write a book?"

Me: "I have a book idea in mind."

Son: "So, mom's going to be an author when she gets older."

Me:  "Just think of all the money you could have from it."

Son:  "If it's a good book that is."

Daughter (from out of nowhere):  "Well, maybe everyone will pay extra because she will be so old."
~~~~~
Too Funny.

But what do you say after that?....

The Challenge of Modeling

I am a model.  

Are you surprised? I have been at it for quite some time. I often forget that I am a model. It has become a natural part of my day. I don't work at it as much as I should. I need to remember this fact more often. I'm sure I would be much more effective if I would.

There is a great challenge that comes with modeling. The responsibility that accompanies modeling can be almost daunting and intimidating if I think about it much. It can lend itself to wanting to give up for fear I will be a complete failure.


You are a model.

Are you even more surprised?

We are all models...
*  whether we want to be or not
*  regardless of whether we think we are qualified or not
* whether we signed up for the job or not

I was reminded of this fact not so long ago. My MIL was sick. My daughter decided on her own that she would make her a card. I later saw her with a Bible in her lap copying words from it. This is not uncommon as she enjoys sitting and copying books word for word to another paper.

However, I soon learned she was copying from the Bible into the card for my MIL. Here is what she copied:

Acts 10:5-6
"Now send men to Joppa to bring back a man named Simon who is called Peter.  He is staying with Simon the tanner, whose house is by the sea." 

Do you find yourself chuckling? We did! It has nothing to do with the illness of my MIL and the get well wishes contained in the card.
I often include a Scripture in the cards that I send. I love God's Word and want to share it with others. Obviously, she has not yet connected the fact that I try to send a Scripture that also pertains to the message of the card that I am sending.

What she sees is a Bible open on my lap as I copy from it into the card. The content of the verse related to the card has not yet connected for her.

She was modeling what she had seen me do so many times. She reminded me, I am a model. The question is... What am I modeling?

That one question leaves me with a challenge to fill my day and many days to come. My hope is that the things I model are things worth repeating.

There has been a great task placed before me. Whether it be your children, other children, or just those around... I'm guessing you also face the same task.  It is the challenge of modeling.

Have you thought of yourself as a model before?  What things do you notice your children (or others) model after you?  What do you find are the greatest joys, and the greatest responsibilities of modeling?

Diapers, Noses and Eternity

Do you sometimes wonder how to appropriately apply a sermon given? I find for myself that sometimes it takes a bit of stepping back and thinking outside of the ordinary.

Yesterday's sermon was about evaluating our time and how we spend it. One of the points was to spend our time wisely by keeping eternity in mind. To make our moments count for eternity.

I'll be honest, one question that came to mind was, "So, how does one make changing diapers, scraping cheerios off of the floor, and keeping up with the many but mundane (and often not so glamorous) tasks in the everyday count for eternity?"

Almost immediately I was reminded of this quote from Dee Breston as she reflected on mothering her own young children.

"I was not wiping bottoms and noses, I was nurturing an eternal soul."

Yes! That is how daily diapers, laundry, dishes, dinners, schoolwork and every other mundane task that fills our days so routinely can impact eternity.

Whether it's our children, husbands or just others that surround us in our days...

We have the opportunity, the potential and can in fact be... nurturing eternal souls...

What eternal soul(s) will you have the incredible privilege to nurture today?

The House is Still Standing... So Far

The little guy has learned to open drawers. It took him no time at all to do this with a box of 200 sandwich bags that had recently been opened.



Yes, I know for a fact it was him. He was caught in the act
.


It took him just as little time to do this to his room (while he was to be napping).



In fact, in the last 2 weeks our little guy has learned...

* to consistently get out of his crib
* to open doors even with the child locks on the doorknobs
* to open the child lock we had put on the fridge door
* to crawl on anything and everything
* to climb even higher by opening doors on dressers, etc. and using them as stairs
* to turn down the volume on his radio
* to open the lid on the fish tank
* to remove the heater from the fish tank
* to push the water button on the fridge that then sprayers water everywhere
* to turn on the television in the basement

No wonder I feel like I'm not getting much of anything done.

At least the house is still standing...so far!

What have you been getting done these last couple of weeks? Or maybe I should ask, what has kept you from getting accomplished what you had planned?

That Seems Right

It's been an incredibly long week. Dishes are piled high in the sink. Laundry is a mountain in my basement. Dust is a solid layer on the furniture. Mail is the new tablecloth that covers my dining room table. Shoes adorn the entry way. Toddler toys accessorize every room. At places it feels like I live in a dirt hut with the sweeping that needs to be done. My house needs attention!

Today I decided that these things would wait. Yes, my house desperately needs attention. But my family needed it more.

I went to Linner with the family. (you know... similar to brunch but instead of a mix of breakfast and lunch, it is rather a mix between lunch and dinner). I played a few games outside with the family when we returned home... croquet, badminton, horseshoes. I gave the little guy his bath. I snuggled with my family to watch a movie. I tucked my children in bed. I spent some time doing my 90 day reading.

Everything inside my house remains as it was this morning. Nothing has changed.

I neglected my house.

I focused on my family.

If someone stops by soon, they'll wonder what in the world I've been doing. I have nothing to show for it.

Nothing, except memories tucked deep inside my heart.

Somehow... that seems right.

Reminded of The Most Difficult Prayer

Four years ago when my daughter was recovering from emergency surgery and fighting for her life for the second time, I wrote the following below.

Although this week does not find us facing anything near to what that situation was, it does find us facing a new experience that once again requires me to relinquish my control in exchange for God's plans for her.

I am being reminded of His promises. I am being reminded to pray, what I consider to be, the most difficult prayer...

~~~~~~
Ever since we learned we were expecting our first child, our son, we realized our children would not really be our own. They were God’s gift on loan to us. They were really His children and it was our job to bring them up in the love and knowledge of Him, to serve Him alone.

We have made it a practice to pray with open hands regarding their lives. The majority of the time this is not difficult, to relinquish them to Him. It seems very easy, very natural, very right.

However, there have been two separate times when this prayer became the most difficult prayer for me over any other. The prayer of submitting my child's life and care into the hands of God.

Because I didn’t trust Him? NO. Because I was afraid He would make the wrong decision? NO. Because I was leery He might make a mistake? NO.

Because I am human? YES. Because I have a selfish nature? YES. Because I am a mother? YES. Because their very life was hanging in the balance and it was completely out of my control? YES.

Perhaps part of the reason this is so difficult is because I know it is not always God’s plan to heal, to restore health and life, to touch us physically. I have had friends lose their babies and their children. In fact, it has touched my very own family.

My parents taught me the practice of submitting and relinquishing my children to God. You see, they did the same thing with each one of us, starting with my older brother. God chose to call him home 4 days after he was born. And yet, they chose to continue to open their hands and hearts in submission to the will of God with the rest of us. (There are 5 more children!)

So, as I pray this prayer for my children each day, I know in my head that it is very possible God will not heal, will not restore, will not touch physically. But I also know in my heart that God is God and I am not. I know His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8 )

We prayed this prayer. We opened our hands. We opened our hearts. We submitted and relinquished our ability as parents. We gave our child back to God to do as He saw fit. My heart trembled. My mind raced.

I heard a question over and over in my spirit, “Am I God? Will I still be God, regardless of the outcome?”

Although my mind desperately pleaded and begged God for what my humanness desired, my heart had to truthfully say, “Yes. You will still be the one to make the sun rise and set each day. You will still be the one to bring spring after winter. You will continue to calm the storms, to touch my heart and spirit with your love and peace. You will still be God.”

For you see, I know there are many who do not get the miraculous outcomes. I know that for whatever reason God’s plans do not always match ours. I know that at times our hearts break, our spirits cry out in despair, our minds ask why. I don’t know why some get to experience the miracles and others do not. It does not seem to make sense. It does not seem fair.

But, I also know that God is Faithful to all His promises.(Psalm 145:13) I know that He has plans for us, to prosper us and not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) I know that He loves us (John 3:16) and rejoices over us in song. (Zephaniah 3: 17) I know He works all things together for our good.(Romans 8:28) I know that He does not give stones for bread or snakes for fish, but rather gives good gifts to His children.(Matthew 7: 9-11)

I guess that is what faith is. Trusting and being certain of what we can not see. Believing when it doesn’t make sense. Being confident when it seems utter chaos. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have become convinced that this is probably the most difficult prayer my lips have ever uttered or will probably ever utter. The surrender of my children to Him.

But, I also believe that it is probably one of the most important prayers I will ever utter for them. For what better place will they be protected, sheltered, shielded, and in God’s perfect plan other than the very palms of HIS HANDS! (Isaiah 49:16)